Candace Cameron Bure's Roo Mag

For many mothers, a dream ignites at the first moment of acknowledgment that a tiny little human being is growing inside the womb. After nine months of nurturing, the dream of holding a precious baby in your arms, healthy, happy, and secure, is about to come true! The excitement is unbearable. The anticipation is fierce. In the background of the dream, a voice proclaims:

You have a healthy baby boy!

Or girl.

After all, that is “all that matters.”

But somewhere along the way, disbelief in that foundational truth struck your life and tore your soul to the very core of your being. Your dream of a healthy boy or girl…shattered to pieces.

Your child is not healthy.

Your child has “special needs.”

And the news was delivered. To you.

Like a friend of mine, perhaps it was an odd hesitation in the ultrasound room. Another dear friend encountered her initial understanding at the very birth of her son. Then there is me, who researched and read until one dark night, while all the world slept, the diagnosis and symptoms connected. And I cried myself to sleep with the knowledge that my beautiful girl had a shortened life expectancy. Without hope of treatment or cure in sight.

The difficulty of letting go of the dream of health and well-being is beyond comprehension. However, once the devastating news has been delivered and received, then the process of acceptance begins to take place.

A new dream is birthed.

The new dream bears no similarities to the old one, but somehow, that’s ok. The new dream has therapy appointments, doctor visits, and medication scripted in. It has taken a different shape; one all its own. The light this dream sheds is virtually blinding at times. The truths revealed through its power filter out doubt like never imagined.

Each milestone is sweeter…each step is brighter…each smile is wider than the dream.

Gratitude for the gift of life itself exceeds the mere factor of perfect health and drowns out the belief that being healthy is all that really matters.

The reality that we become mothers for more than what we can teach our children sinks in, day by day.

Because parenting is not only about what we teach our children…

Parenting is often about what our children teach us.

Photo credit: My Life’s Dream

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Heidi

I don’t have a special needs child and my 3 boys are healthy but we are all taught by our children, and we all have “our” dreams, that God changes to His plans. I would like to read this book.
http://twitter.com/RachelWojo Rachel Wojnarowski

So very true Heidi! You are kind; what a fabulous book concept this would make!
Stacy

Great post Rachel!
http://twitter.com/RachelWojo Rachel Wojnarowski

Thank you.
Kathleen

Nice article. I don’t know what it’s like to have a special needs child, but I do know what it’s like to have miscarriages not that they are the same thing. All the best to you and your family.
Luzecita

So beautiful and sweetly stated. Thank you for sharing. My son was recently identified with special needs, so I know the feelings very well. Yes, every new thing he says or does, we give glory to God.
Charlotte

My brother and his wife have 2 special needs children. I really admire and respect all that they do for their children. They are so beautiful as a family. God bless them all.
http://twitter.com/RachelWojo Rachel Wojnarowski

Blessing to you, Kathleen! I can understand your relation of this post to miscarriages. It is very similar in the grieving process; I speak from experience.
http://twitter.com/RachelWojo Rachel Wojnarowski

And we were all created for the same purpose: to give Him that glory. Thank you Luzecita!
http://twitter.com/RachelWojo Rachel Wojnarowski

Thank you for sharing; what a treasure that you have such heroes for a brother and sister-in-law!
Shonda Knowlton

I don’t have a special needs child, but both my children have shown me that they are special and they have unusual quirks that I can’t quite figure out (temperament, development, emotions). I was a teacher for 12 years and I figured that I would be a great mom/teacher to my kids, but even in all my years of teaching I found that last statement to be true- Parenting is often about what our children teach us. Great article!
http://twitter.com/RachelWojo Rachel Wojnarowski

Thank you, Shonda. It is true. With each of my 7 children, I learn how unique each and every single one is! Funny how I, too, have teaching education and experience, yet my own children can certainly remind me that methods, while fantastic, are not magical.
Kelly Lane

My husband and I have 3 beautiful children; our middle child with special needs. While life can be challenging and exhausting, we wouldn’t trade it for anything. God has a plan for us and He helps us through each difficult struggle. And this twelve year old girl of ours, has taught us so many life lessons. She gives way more to us than we will ever be able to give to her.
Kaitlin M

I am not a mother yet but as a behavioral therapist for autistic children I understand and see that a mother’s love is unconditional regardless of the dream! Such a beautiful article, thank you for sharing.
Moya

I have a daughter that was born with a limp eyelid. We were told for a while by 3 different doctors that to do anything would only be for cosmetic reasons, but the last doctor that we saw said if we didn’t have it done she would lose sight in that eye. At 8 months old she had the surgery done (it was really hard, she was so small) We were told that all was now ok. Later when she sould of been talking she wasn’t. I was(patted) on the head and told that there was nothing to worry about. I kept up we ended up doing test for pre K and was told yes things were not just right. Went to a speech teacher, and through classes, he thinks that during her eye surgery something may have happened, and she seems like a stroke victim(because of the way her body and strenght on that same side of her body works) She is the middle of our 3 girls. She is 22 out of school, moved out on her own, and has been working at the same job for almost 4 years, (She has always worked hard, and started in school at 3 & 1/2, and is still that way!)
Rachel Wojnarowski

What a wonderful testimony!!
Rachel Wojnarowski

Thank you for commenting!
Rachel Wojnarowski

Bless you for sharing your story! Always an encouragement to hear of tenacity and persistance!
Toya

I agree with you Kaitlin…a mother’s love is definitely unconditional no matter what….and thats the way it should be…
Mitzi Johnston

I am sitting here bawling my eyes out. My two year old daughter has Spina Bifida and this post went so
Well with everything that I struggle with and learn
From on a daily basis.
Robin

What an inspiring article. I am blessed with 4 children and while none of them have “special needs”…they all do require special handling. I am finding that child 1 and 3 are exactly alike in mannerisms, study habits, work habits, etc. While child 2 and 4 are exactly alike as well. I am also learning that my oldest son shows some tendancys that lead toward the autistic spectrum…his temperment, his thinking….however God made them all and I love them all with my whole heart! I wouldn’t change a thing. Thank you again for your article…may you be blessed today because you are a blessing!

Smiles, Robin
http://twitter.com/RachelWojo Rachel Wojnarowski

Blessings to you and your sweet daughter. One of my piano students has Spina Bifada. Can play so beautifully! Dream big for her and she’ll dream big for herself.
http://twitter.com/RachelWojo Rachel Wojnarowski

Thank you for your encouragement, Robin. Blessings to you and your family!
Cassandra Sines

My husband and I adopted all of our children. When we adopted our first two, we never “dreamed” that we would be dealing with special needs. Only with our third child did we know that he had special needs. All of our children have their own special needs – our oldest son has a rare form of Autism; our daughter has bipolar disorder; and our youngest has global developmental delays. We look back and know, without a doubt, that God chose us to be these children’s parents. There are days when it is hard – really, REALLY HARD!!!! But we always make it through – only with God’s provisions – and we are able to help others because of the experiences that we have had. Our children have taught us so much and they fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God who doesn’t make mistakes!!!!
http://www.roomforpatience.blogspot.com/ Christina Hall

Your article is beautiful. I have both a special needs sister and sister-in-law. Still, I am mother to neither of them. While I care for them and love them for who they are, worry for them and stand up for them, unless any children of my own have special needs, I cannot understand how it feels to be the mother or father of a special needs person. A respect for the special needs parent, however, is something I’ve been fortunate to have from a young age.